because He first loved us

It feels a little odd blogging after the experience is over but I suppose if anyone out there is still reading, its still important to me to try to convey the Lord's work I have seen, there and in me. I have also decided this is probably the only place that I could go on a month long missions trip to where the children have nothing but a rag on their back and can't afford to go to school (which is about $25 every 3 months) to going to a jewelry party the same week I get home where nothing is less than $40! What do you do with that, really. It really just shows the contrast of the cultures and how much we take for granted. I mean, one of those bracelets could send Juma to school for a year! And yet at the same time I found myself being tempted by how "beautiful" that jewelry was and actually getting caught in the relativity of it all....still knowing and loving Juma the whole time. A lot to think about right there. A few verses I had written down in my journal, about halfway through my trip:

"Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits....You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence." James 1:9-11; 5:5

We are the rich men, my friends.

A word about the children ~ Smile was started originally for the street children..the children Pastor Ruth had seen on the streets, who God broke her heart for; He took her obedience to His small promptings and turned it into something wonderful. There are many children at Smile who are double orphans..without a mother or father. Some of these children live with a grandmother or an aunt (its amazing how these African people work and are so hands on....some raising up to 10 children usually not all their own) and some live with the 2 cooks that are in charge of making all that food! One cook has about 40 children living with her and another has about 20 children living with her; Smile rents a small home for them. Some of the children have a mother, father, or both that are loving parents but that just can't provide for them. But the ones that really get me the most is the huge lump of children that do have a mother, father, or both but who are still neglected, whose parents don't care about them or take care of them. Maria and Abucha are two of those children. Joyce, the head teacher, was telling me about the different kinds of children at Smile and their families. I asked about Maria and Abucha because they had become two of my favorites. I was surprised to hear that they do still live with both parents...except their parents leave very early in the morning and don't come home until late at night...and by that time they are probably already drunk. This just tears my heart up. Here are 2 of the most precious little children, only 3 years old and 5 years old...created by God in His image, loving, joyful, terribly unique children...and they are left alone most of their days. Again, all I can see is God's faithfulness and love to them and I am just driven to praise Him in thanksgiving. Perhaps somewhat selfishly, I am thankful to God for giving me the absolute blessing of getting to know Maria and Abucha....knowing them, loving them, holding them, playing with them, the blessing was mine...a blessing I just don't understand how their parents could give up.

On the last day, I was devastated to realize that Abucha, in his 3 year old-ness, hadn't realized this was the last chance to say goodbye and had jetted out of Smile the minute they rung that bell at 4:00. I had a moment of panic, frantically searching through all of the faces, not willing to succumb to the idea that I wouldn't get to say goodbye to him. It was pretty much one of the worst feelings ever. I never did find him before having to leave that day. However, looking back on it, I realized that my Father was looking out for me; He really had given me a beautiful last moment with Abucha. Sometime within the last hour of the afternoon at Smile that day, Abucha had somehow found me as he always had a way of doing. I picked him up and was just holding him...and he started softly singing to me in Swahili. It was such a beautifully quiet and loving moment, the tears stared to roll down my cheeks...and in response he didn't stop singing, he continued while gently wiping my tears away. This 3 year old! I told him "me panda wewe" (I love you in Swahili) and he sweetly said it back to me. And that was it. I know now that moment was nothing but a gift. Reading back through my journal, I found an entry written 4 days before we were to leave Smile that ended with a prayer that the Lord would bless those last days with great love and memories that blow us away and that I would be able to savor each moment.. because I had come to love that place and people and to think of leaving just hurt. All the glory to Him for answered prayers :)